Why is everyone freaking out? That’s a common question I’ve heard from clients and friends recently. People are losing their patience, acting badly in public and being mean online. They’re immune to facts or reason or logic. They won’t listen and do the right thing. Or maybe -
They’re just dealing with change.
Years ago, in the age of AOL, I had a very upset student in class. After an hour showing the emergence of websites promoting real estate online, I could tell he was upset, so I called for a break. He walked over to me, folded his arms across his chest and said:
“I don’t believe you. There’s no way brokers will put their properties online. We don’t do that around here. Maybe that works in other places, but I doubt it. I’ll never do it. I think you’re lying.”
And he walked away.
I was so rattled by his reaction that I phoned a friend. Why would he say that? How can he not see the opportunity? Does he really think I’m lying? How can I change his mind?
My friend said: Everybody reacts to change differently - even when it’s presented nicely. You’re challenging his view - of the world, his career, the future. What do you expect him to do, stand up and cheer? As long as you are being honest with good intentions, stop worrying about being right. You don’t have permission to fix everyone’s thinking. They didn’t sign up for you to correct their beliefs. When people are going through change, they don’t need a thought-cop but -
They do need a friend.
These days I’m reminded of this conversation. I’m in the business of change. I know old habits are a hard thing to break and even harder to form. Now add the pressure of a crisis that disrupts ten, twenty, a hundred habits we’ve built up over our lives. As with all change, people are moving at different speeds along the change curve. It’s one thing to adapt to a new technology or career or competitor. It’s quite another to navigate economic disaster.
Or a virus.
As friends, we can offer to help. But if someone doesn’t move at the same pace, it’s not our place to tell them so. Especially online, where it’s become a modern pastime to criticize first, ask questions later. In the best of times, we have friends who won’t follow the speed limit. Now ask them to change a lot more, and do it your way.
Still, they are your peeps. Therein lies the answer: if you really want to help, don’t push them away but extend a hand. At the end of a long dark tunnel,
Be the light at the end.
Seek to be personally correct and publicly calm.
Choose to trade a wagging finger for a smile.
Build a reputation for kindness before rightness.
Lead by example, but move along.
Stay safe and encourage it, with the best intent.
Above all let your presence cement
relationships, Not crack them apart.
The rest isn’t up to you.
I almost forgot to tell you the rest of the story: The upset student returned after the break. He sat in the front row and took lots of notes. He frowned a lot. But he stayed the whole time. He even gave a nod before he left. I never knew what happened to him. But I suspect he is still selling real estate.
Changed in the end -
hopefully for the better -
With the help of a friend.