Here’s a true story I want to share in case any of my friends are feeling a little overwhelmed these days.
Being a leader (or a good neighbor) in prolonged times of change brings fear and worry and even exhaustion. Add in the media, lockdown and deep gaps in public discourse, it’s not surprising to find ourselves occasionally overwhelmed. That’s when I recall a lesson from a good friend. Don’t try to control the future, he told me. Instead learn to -
Start with today!
A couple years ago I was sitting at a table with trusted friends. We were brainstorming ways to grow our businesses. I had planned for weeks with notes and ideas and data. We discussed and encouraged: Shake things up, take a leap and see over the horizon! Isn't that what you're supposed to do? When it was my turn to share, something totally unexpected happened:
I burst into tears!
“I just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing,” I found myself saying. “It's a big risk - possibly upsetting everything I’ve worked so hard to build. What if this is outside my ability? What if I disappoint clients or say something wrong on stage? What if….” I stopped to catch my breath as all the stress poured out.
“Hold on a minute,” my friend said. “Those are all good questions. We all feel the same way. But you forgot to ask the most important question of all:
What if none of those things happen and instead you get things RIGHT?
Some days the future feels fateful. Even when we initiate it, growth comes with a good dose of uncertainty. We think we’re prepared. We consider all the angles. We plan for success. But our minds can get stuck more on loss than gain. Try as we might, we often forget -
We might get it right!
Back at the table, my colleague showed me how to focus on the present. "Make a plan for each outcome you can imagine,” he said.
Write down the best thing that could happen and plan for it.
Write down the worst thing that could happen; plan for it, too.
Finally, imagine the most likely thing that could happen, and write down what you’d do -
If that most-likely thing started today.
Nowadays when I feel stressed, I think of my three plans. I can collect my thoughts and get started again. I can be careful and cautious AND act with confidence and competence. My three empowering plans remind me:
"I wouldn’t feel stressed if it wasn’t important.”
“I don’t have to be perfect to make progress.”
“I can’t predict the future to take action today.”
If you find yourself overwhelmed from time to time, give yourself permission to have a good cry. Then pick up a pen and write it all out:
Make a plan for almost anything,
or three if you must,
And once you get started,
You’ll forget all that fuss!
Which makes perfect sense,
for a work still in progress!