As times change and we return to our familiar habits - shopping, dining, working, playing - I remind myself to be generous with the benefit of the doubt. After two years of anxiety around an invisible threat, practicing extraordinary physical caution and incredible mental stamina, it's not going to be easy or instant to let our guard down and live like it's all over. That's neither a truth - nor a bad consequence. That's just called life.
And that's okay.
What helps, though, is when I START each day with the Benefit of the Doubt, mostly as a special form of OPTIMISM. Such doubt reminds me to check my “instant reactions” that have been heightened during a hyper-cautious time. And to be willing to consider that not everything out there is “out to get me.” Nor: has anything to do with me.
For example: Not every maskless person I encounter is on a mission to annoy. Not everyone coughing on the airplane is sick. Not every person standing too close in line is making a statement - unless they really need to see my smile, after all this time.
When we give the benefit of the doubt to others, we also give ourselves permission to reframe the world: Less dueling, more dealing. Less evangelizing, more collaborating. Less worry, more expectation of the good. Certainly, we will know trouble when we see it. Meanwhile, I'll assume everyone is trying to do their best.
And give us both the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
As my mother always said: It takes two to tangle.
What's more, the benefits of the doubt offer a special comfort for me. They provide a reasonable and calming permission to take my time, to reacclimate to the world. They empower me to do whatever works for me, one step at a time - sit outside, wear a mask sometimes, wave instead of shake hands, still work remotely. I don’t have to second-guess myself as being worry-wort, or impatient, or difficult: I’m just finding my own path forward -
And there's no problem with that!
Over the years, I've learned that a few words make a big difference - in my own head:
"It's okay; take your time."
"I understand; I don't know either."
"Try your best; that's what I'm doing, too."
I'm giving myself permission to assume more benefits and express fewer doubts; I can't live in a world where every interaction starts out "en-garde". I won't know if you're on the same page as me. But I'm going to start from the hope that we are both trying our best:
To do my part in returning to a world where the benefits of the doubt belong to BOTH me and YOU.
#alwaysinspiring